East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
