i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
