I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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