Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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