it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
