Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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