Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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