It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
