Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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