Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
