is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
