VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
