YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She even gives head with a lisp.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
