Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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