This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
