I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
