Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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