i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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