it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my being single is dangerous.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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