Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
