Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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