Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
