I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
