i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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