u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
