I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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