I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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