wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
