i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
