I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
