Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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