My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
