just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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