what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
