I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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