I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
