final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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