I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
