i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize