Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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