Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
