When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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