i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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