just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
