on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
