Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
