You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
