We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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