Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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