just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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