I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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