On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
