I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
