If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
