I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
