i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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