Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
