He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize