I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
