Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
