I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
