Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
