i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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