if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
whose ass print is on the piano?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
