Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
