i can't believe i had my finger in that
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
