M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
