I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
