You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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