dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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