AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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