Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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