Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
