last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
