Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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