Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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