Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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